Empathy in the Birth Chart, Part 2

 In Part 1, we defined empathy and saw how, when we are in defensive mode, empathy is not always possible. Concluding that empathy itself can’t be seen in the birth chart, we discussed, with an illuminating case study, how our chart aspects suggest where our empathy-blocking defences can kick in. In Part 2, more signifiers for defence mechanisms in the birth chart…

Saturn aspects suggest defence mechanisms because Saturn tests, blocks and controls. It represents where we have fears and doubts and lack confidence. All of these are fuel for our defences.

With Venus-Saturn, for example, there might be defences against getting hurt in relationships, manifesting in a fear of letting others get too close. The Venus-Saturn person therefore might un-empathetically hurt and reject someone else before it can be done to them. (See Part 1 for a case study example of how a generational Mercury Square Saturn played out).

Lack of empathy can also come through some of the aspects we might think of as easier. Jupiter types, for example, who are confident, upbeat and optimistic, can sometimes lack tolerance and empathy for those who are struggling with low self-esteem or who, for whatever reason, lack the faith, courage and self-belief to pursue their dreams and ambitions.

Aspect patterns are also a good place to look for defences, especially T-Squares, which so often describe the nitty gritty issues in a person’s life. Grand Trines are also associated with defence mechanisms, because they represent where we hesitate to step out of our comfort zone.

If we think about the zodiac signs, Aries types might lack empathy for those who aren’t fast-paced go-getters; Taurus or Libra might disapprove of Aries' need to be numero uno and label them as aggressive or selfish, not understanding the Aries mission to go through life as a warrior. A Gemini type might be unfairly labelled as someone who can’t commit to one thing, with others not getting that Gemini is here to experience variety and needs to keep their options open. And so on, through the signs…

Back to those sensitive Water signs mentioned in Part 1 and why they might not always necessarily be empathetic. It’s because that emotional sensitivity, if it gets too much, can be defended against to protect the Water person from pain and suffering. I recently watched a Netflix show about teen fairies learning to harness their powers. One of them was an empath, who wore headphones constantly to protect herself from becoming overwhelmed by the feelings of others. Sensitive humans can also feel overwhelmed by their empathy at times and that’s when their psychological defences can kick in, which while offering protection, but can also block empathy.

The Cancerian retreating into their shell is a well known astrological symbolism. Cancerians need to feel safe and at home. They are drawn to people who help them to feel comfortable and once they find them, they seek to keep them close. Whether it’s their blood family or the ‘family’ they choose, Cancerians need to feel cushioned by their relationships. However, this can lead to clannish cliques and those who don’t make it into Cancer’s close circle might feel rejected. This is where a defence might make someone else feel the hurt that the defended person is trying to protect themselves from. The hurt doesn’t go away, it’s just passed on.

Scorpio of course has its famous defensive sting. Using that sting to point out others’ flaws, often with merciless honesty, is Scorpio’s way of protecting themselves from such searing scrutiny. Last of all, we have compassionate, empathetic Pisces; but feeling everyone’s emotions as if they are their own can make porous, sensitive Pisces retreat into victim mode. When Pisces feels that nobody’s problems are as bad as theirs, it’s hard for them to feel empathy. Conversely, Pisces, with a genuine desire to stop someone’s suffering, might go into full rescue mode, but if this is done with pity rather than real empathy, the support they offer can feel dis-empowering.

These examples show that while you can’t judge levels of natural empathy from a chart, you can see areas where empathy might potentially be blocked. Astrology can help with self-understanding and the recognition of where we fall into our defences. We all need defences of course, they are very useful, but by becoming more aware of them we can potentially see where they have become unhelpful and where we might be unwittingly hurting others or not recognising when they might need support and compassion and empathy.

Click here for Part 1 - Empathy in the Birth Chart?

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With love,

Mandi

 

Empathy in the Birth Chart?

I’ve been wondering lately; can the birth chart tell us how empathetic someone is?

Collins Dictionary describes empathy as “the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings.” In other words, it’s the ability to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes, regardless of whether or not you have experienced what they are experiencing.

There are different kinds of empathy. Emotional empathy is how we commonly think of empathy, as per the dictionary definition above. There is also cognitive empathy, which is the ability to see things from someone else’s perspective without necessarily feeling their feelings. Then there’s compassionate empathy, which is when empathy is followed through with helpful action.

Emotional empathy is most easily associated with the Water element (Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces), because qualities associated with Water are emotional sensitivity and connection. However, when Water dominates a chart, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee empathetic responses to the feelings of others (I’ll explain in Part 2 why this might be). It’s also not the case that those with a lack of Water in their chart or with a dominance of Fire (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius), Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) or Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) don’t have as much capacity for empathy, although we might surmise that an Air type is likely to have more cognitive empathy than emotional, for example. However, I’m focusing on emotional empathy here and everyone, whatever the element balance in their chart, has feelings. It’s my experience that most people with any element emphasis or deficit in their chart are capable of this kind of empathy, but are also capable of showing a lack of empathy at times.

So, the question remains, can you determine empathy from the birth chart? I think not and nor, I believe, can you tell if someone lacks empathy from their chart. Lack of empathy/callousness is defined as one of the characteristics of psychopaths and I don’t believe you can spot one just from a chart, any more than you can spot an empath. But let’s assume, for the purposes of this essay, that most people are capable of some degree of empathy and look at the question from a different angle.

I was walking down a residential street this morning (heading for my local park) and got to thinking that perhaps the birth chart can tell us something about what might get in the way of empathy.

As I strolled, in a moment of universal synchronicity, something random happened that made me feel no empathy, followed by a distinct empathetic response just moments later.

Called out of my thinking head by shouting, my automatic conscious response was curiosity. What’s happening, where is this noise coming from? Meanwhile, unconsciously, my brain would have been trying to figure out if this posed any danger to me. So, no empathy here, just my natural, selfish, survival response with a measure of inquisitiveness. I discovered where the noise was coming from when a young woman ran yelling out of an open front door, swiftly followed by two police officers. As she crossed the road and started running directly towards me, the officers still in pursuit, again I felt no empathy. I only feared for my own safety, so moved out of the way pretty sharpish.

Once they’d passed me and I was safe, I again became curious about what was happening. The woman had been caught up by the police who were trying to restrain her. She was terribly upset; crying and begging them to let go of her. Now, witnessing her obvious distress, I felt upset and had the beginnings of tears in my eyes. I didn’t know the background of her situation, whether she’d hurt someone else or herself, or if she was having some sort of breakdown. Nevertheless, I had a fleeting emotional upset in response to this stranger’s anguish. In other words, I could empathise, despite the fact that I didn’t understand what was happening and that thankfully I’ve never myself been chased and restrained by the police. However, it was possible for me to imagine feeling so scared that I would need to run away from capture.

It would have been impossible for me to empathise when I felt I might be in danger in this uncertain situation. My automatic response was to defend myself, to make myself safe, nobody else mattered at that point. So, if it’s impossible to be empathetic when our defences are up (physical or emotional), we can explore how the defence mechanisms suggested by our birth chart, get in the way of, inhibit or delay our emotional empathy.

Where do we see our defences in our chart? A safe bet is that they are suggested by our aspects and aspect patterns. First, what do we mean by defences? Ego defence mechanisms “are psychological processes people use, in order to protect themselves against extreme discomfort and tension. They are also effective in maintaining mental composure and self-esteem in a variety of what might otherwise be very painful situations. Defence mechanisms operate at an unconscious level, and all of us use them occasionally. However, prolonged and persistent use of them is counter-productive, because such defences serve to distort reality and falsify experience.” (Hough, p85).

Square aspects between planets are an obvious candidate for showing potential defence mechanisms in the birth chart. This is because squares often impel us to act, but the tension of the Square means that that action might be the activation of a defence mechanism.  Take, for example, Mercury Square Saturn. This aspect suggests a fear of not being clever enough or a fear of being wrong and usually this fear stems from early life experiences. Perhaps the child was ridiculed or punished when they made a mistake? Perhaps their defence was to give up trying and live with the ‘story’ that they are stupid. Or perhaps they arm themselves with the ‘belief’ that they are right about everything and everyone else is wrong. This might feel like a safe place to sit and in the short term it protects from the threat of further punishment or ridicule. But to be wrong, to make mistakes, to allow ourselves to fail is how we learn and ultimately how we succeed. If someone beats themselves up over failing a test (or even for failing to get top marks in a test), how are they able to show empathy to others who might be struggling on that test and could perhaps use a little support and encouragement? And the subtle message the Mercury-Saturn person gives to others is that they think anyone who gets lower marks than them really is stupid.

A lady with this aspect who, while bright, for socio-economic reasons, was unable to get the education they wanted. Their child, however (also with Mercury Square Saturn) was able to access higher education. Throughout their years at university, the mother constantly denigrated and ridiculed the child’s desire to get educated, telling them they were lazy and a failure for choosing to get a degree over going straight into a job, marriage and children. Because the mother unconsciously felt envious and threatened by their child’s education opportunities and defended themselves accordingly, there was no empathy for the path their child had taken. Unaware for many years that their mother’s response was a defensive one, born of disappointment from their own childhood, the child was also unable to empathise with their mother’s insecurities and ended up feeling like the failure their mother said they were, while at the same time, emotionally disengaging from the mother, thus confirming the mother’s fears that they would lose their child if they got educated. 

This example, shows how, if we become aware of the issues of our challenging aspects, we can also become aware of our defences and ultimately understand what is behind them. When the child (as the well-educated adult they became) understood where their mother was coming from, they were able to forgive, rebuild the relationship, feel proud of their academic achievements and finally share them with the world without fear (or rather feel the fear and do it anyway - old habits die hard).

Part 2 coming soon... more examples of how defences in the birth chart can block empathy.

In the meantime, if  you enjoyed this article... you might also enjoy Jupiter, Saturn and the Superego

Wondering about life post-pandemic?  A consultation with Mandi Lockley can help you clarify what it might look like and better understand your opportunities, stumbling blocks and options.  Details here: Consultations and Other Services  

Reference: Hough, M. (2019) Counselling Skills and Theory. 4th Edition. UK: Hodder Education.

Astrology and Self Empowerment

What is astrology for? What can it do? Can it tell me what’s going to happen to me? These are common questions that even seasoned astrologers ask themselves from time to time.

One of the major criticisms of astrology is that it can’t make accurate predictions. I agree that it can’t, but rather than putting astrology on a back foot, I think this is one of its strengths and I’ll try and tell you why I think this.....

Take any birth chart and look at the aspects. Say the birth chart has a tight Venus-Saturn opposition aspect. What assumptions do we immediately make? Amongst other things, we might presume that the owner of this aspect has difficulties with relationships. In a lot of cases we would be correct in this assumption, but can we really say much more than this without some background information and some feedback from the person with the aspect? Not really. We need some context before we can unravel the mystery of what this aspect means.

Does the chart belong to a man or woman? How old are they? What kind of family do they come from?  What is their socio/economic standing? What culture/religious background do they come from and how does that affect how relationships are conducted? All of these things and more will have an impact, as will the rest of the chart.  However, it is only really when we meet and talk to the person and hear their story that we can truly see how that Venus-Saturn opposition has played out in their lives.

This is because everyone’s lives are determined by one thing that the birth chart can’t tell us.  We always have the Free Will to make choices and to act upon them.

I am a big believer of free will. If some things seem ‘fated’ aren’t they usually just consequences of past actions? Didn’t the ‘fated’ event arise from our past actions in some way, however convoluted the path from cause to effect might be? If you take the modern spiritual perspective you may even believe that you choose to come in at a certain time and face certain issues in order for growth and development on a soul level.

Now, back my point, which is to tell you why I think astrology’s failure to accurately predict is actually its strength........... the answer is simple. If astrology can’t tell you exactly what is going to happen...... then ...... your Venus-Saturn opposition DOESN’T HAVE TO condemn you to a lifetime of relationship difficulties. Moon conjunct Pluto doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome ‘mothering’ issues.  If you have Sun square Neptune it isn’t inevitable that you’ll face a life of confused goals and self destructive escapism. You can’t escape the aspect, its energies will always be with you, but YOU CAN CHOOSE what you do with it. The same principle also applies to transits excepting of course that transits are temporary.

Each and every ‘difficult’ aspect or transit holds within it the key to living it out creatively and constructively. Each one presents an opportunity for growth and healing. They all invite you to take the higher road. They do not promise that it will be quick or easy or that you will be 100% ‘cured’. In fact they do not make any promises at all. It is up to you to seek the true meaning of every aspect and transit AS IT RELATES TO YOU AND YOUR STORY. Then you have the choice of what you do with the information. 

The astrologer can’t tell you what will happen, because she doesn’t have all the answers. All she can do is hear your story, discuss it with you in relation to your chart and perhaps give you a few pointers. She must respect that you have free will and not take that away from you by trying to make concrete predictions. If she has done her job well, she has opened you up to the positive potentials and made you aware of the possible pitfalls before she sends you on your way. A bit like a weather forecaster, she can tell you whether to pack your sun-block or your thermals (or both) as you head off on your journey. Where you go or what happens after that is up to you.

And that is the magic of self empowerment through astrology.

With love,

Mandi

www.mandilockley.com 

"Character is fate" Heraclitus